(Roofing jokes courtesy of google+ posts.)
How many cowboy roofers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Three. One to hold the ladder..while the second roofer "pretends" to change the lightbulb. The third roofer sits in the van and keeps adding zero's at the bottom of the invoice.
Why do roofers often get in trouble with the police?
Because they are always getting high and flashing.
Why are roofers so nosy?
Because they are always eaves dropping.
Why do roof tilers have so much trouble getting out of bed in the morning?
Because they are bedded in mortar.
What are the most common ailments amongst roofers?
Gutters rot, shingles and hip replacements.
Whats the difference between a woman and a roof tile?
When you lay a roof tile it doesn't text you for three months afterwards, complaining about your "commitment issues".
A gorgeous blond woman calls in the local roofing contractor to repair a leak in her roof. The roofing contractor sets his ladder up and starts work repairing the roof.
As he is going about his work up and down the ladder, the blonde notices that he has extremely big feet. The biggest she has ever seen, in fact.
At the end of the day she pays his bill and asks the roofer if it is true what they say about men with big feet. The roofer says, “Sure is, why don’t we go upstairs and Ill prove it to you?”
The blond agrees and they go to her bedroom and spend the night together.
In the morning as he is about to leave, the woman hands the roofer a $100 note. The roofer says, “Wow! I’m flattered... nobody has ever paid me for THAT before”.
The woman replies, “don’t be, just take the money and buy some boots that fit”.
Call of Nature
Some roofers were fixing a roof in the pouring rain. Halfway through the job one of the roofers needed to go to the toilet. He climbed down the ladder and knocked on the customers door.
“Excuse me madam, is there any chance I could use your toilet?” he asked the lady.
Worried about her clean carpets and seeing the roofers soaking wet clothes, the lady replied “Hang on a minute.. Ill just put some newspaper down”.
With a look of disgust the roofer replied, “If its all the same to you lady..Id rather use the toilet.”
Why do roofers make the best lovers?
Because they climb on top and hammer hard.
Why do roofers make the worst husbands?
Because they nail and screw everything.
Occasionally you will have to work on large building sites. While working you will often see poor souls wandering around with a terrified or dazed look on their face. These people have visited the terror known as the Porta Cabin. (Mobile chemical toilet or “thunder box”.) Unless you want to spend the rest of your life in therapy they should be avoided at all costs. These mobile torture chambers are now banned under the Geneva Convention.
And last but definitely not least:
The day you do not wear a safety harness will probably be the last day you will ever need one. Be safe.
site association Click for Bad roof jobs.